Image protect

Monday, October 15, 2012

Novena Day Five and Six

I am moving along in this healing art journey.  On day five I did journaling about what my experience has been so far.  I have made many discoveries which I know that I knew on a deeper level but, didn't want to face in my conscious state.  Abandonment is something that I liken to a computer virus.  It starts off under the surface.  But, what it does is cut you off from the outside world in so many tricky ways.  It causes you to see the world through the filter it creates.  From it's tap root of separation it spawns the seeds of unworthiness, miserliness  and rage.  Increasingly it cuts us off from everything that would bring light into our lives.  Slowly but surely your trust is dissolved until you trust nothing or no one.  I mean NO ONE.  This includes the Unicvrse or God or whatever higher divine nature you might think you believe in.

That is some  powerful shit as has bee said by some friends.  I love that quote as that is what it feels like.   But, awareness is the beginning of the healing.  It is the bringing of this energy of abandonment into physical form that allows me to really look at it.  In a new way that I have as yet been unable to access.  I find myself feeling so much love and compassion for this part of me.  The seeds of forgiveness are sewn here.

In these two photos you can see the continuation of the growth of abandonment.  His skeleton evolves and in the second picture his body takes shape.  Next he will have his skin covering and I will begin the final pieces that will bring him to completion.  He is not in his actual pose I see him.  But, it was just to give this being that almost is, a bit of animate life.

Until next time my friends, stay safe and may peace and love be your constant companions.


flyingbeader said...

For me the journey to find, that word that sometimes disturbs me but really does describes the event, closure is indeed a long journey you begin by stripping away all the crap and bull you thought was the truth, but were afraid to really see. The skeleton of the truth is ugly and hurtful, but the truth is the backbone of your journey. I read so many books to help me understand why why why...some helped, but what really fleshed out my wounded emotions was actually love. Love of family and friends, but LOVE OF MYSELF! You lash at yourself so much after any death or abandonment or trauma that you flay yourself to the "bone". It is hard to love yourself because that is the one person in the world you must trust...yourself. Once you realize that you are not the Victim or that one that caused the problems...then you will gradually heal. Oh, it is a long slow road, but you'll eventually flesh yourself out and become whole and healthy again. I see that happening for you my friend...Grab is going to be emotionally draining but also fulfilling trip.

Cody Goodin said...

Dot as always a great bit of wisdom. Yes, the whole idea of love being the most powerful tool of healing is right on. That is what this process is all about in the long run. Learning to love all the parts of me. Even those that have caused me pain or suffering. That is in my opinion the true process of enlightenment.