Epiphany A State of Being

E-piph-a-ny: 1. A revelatory manifestation of a divine being. 3. a. A sudden manifestation of the essence or meaning of something.    b. A comprehension or perception of reality by means of a sudden intuitive realization 

There are a few times in one's life that a special thing happens.  A flash of insight or knowing that changes our lives forever in some way.  This change can be small at first.  But, it inevitably grows into something greater than we expected. Friday January 10, 2014 was one such occasion for me.

On my way to work Friday morning something very curious happened to me.  As I was traveling down an alley between streets towards work a man dressed in a business suit approached.  He looked up at me and I at him.  Our eyes met and he offered a smile.  I smiled back.  At that instant this thought that was as loud as a voice entered into my head.  "He is dressed for his job.  Look at Him and see how he is living his part."  I was a bit startled at this and as the man passed he smiled again and went on.  Again this voice spoke to me.  "Who are you and where are you going/"  I immediately knew that I was a photographer/artist on my way to my studio carrying my camera bag.  I thought of what I was going to be doing that day.  I was that person in that moment in that reality.  After I had taken about ten steps I snapped back into the reality I was originally in and became a bit sad knowing that I was instead on my way to the art store. 

 This story is significant because I have been working really hard at visualizing and doing what I can to make my dream of being a full time artist a reality.  I am tired of working for someone else's dream.  It is time to work for my dream. So, I look upon that epiphany I had yesterday as a positive sign that I am indeed going to realize this grand dream of mine.  This also brings me to another conclusion that I have reached about myself and my art.  My first love in the arts actually was music.  I started out playing in the school band when I was in sixth grade.  I was in the band every year after that until I graduated high school.  I really wanted to go to music school but, instead was pushed to study something more practical.  Music school was too expensive and wouldn't give me a job once I graduated.  That was the logic my guardian presented to me. Needless to say, I didn't pursue music.  Once in college, I tried to follow the path of a career that would give me a more traditional job.  I hated it and my grades reflected that.  I dropped out of college for a year and a half.  I wanted to get my act together, clear my head.  I then returned to school and this time tried a variety of classes and directions.  Eventually, I settled upon fine art and theater.  I excelled at these and loved being in that world.  Eventually I graduated and moved on with my life.  I had a variety of jobs that were not directly art related or creative.  Each one chipping away at my soul creating this intense longing.  I threw myself into making art on the side.  Fitting it in wherever I could.  Painting, doll making, sculpting mixed media you name it I did it.  Along the way I documented this with photography.  But, even though I enjoyed the art I made and the process, I never had a true burning passion for it.  Not like what I felt with music my first love.  So, I decided as part of some project I had been planning, that I would need to take a photography class.  I wanted to make portraits of some friends for a gift.  In the spring of 2013 I signed up for a portrait photography class.  Then after that I signed up for another photography class.  I had been taking hundreds of photos during this time.  I became consumed by it in a way that I hadn't felt since my days playing music in high school.  There was this burning passion beginning to shine from deep within me. In my minds eye and my heart I could see the true potential of my artistic vision.  I had found my artist soul at long last.

Where this path will lead I do not know.  But, this time I am listening to my own inner voice and will follow where it leads.  I want to keep experiencing the true bliss of living my joy each and every day. All the hard work of healing and spiritual transformation over the past five or so years has paid off in many amazing ways for me. It calls to mind a lyric from a song.  It may be corny but, it is how I feel at this moment.  I am walking on sunshine and it makes me feel good.

My hope to all of you out there in blog-o-verse that you can find your bliss.  It may surprise you but, will uplift you and make you whole.  Thanks for allowing me to share my story with you.  I look forward to many more amazing discoveries ahead.